Oh Shit not again.... (Disturbing Incident Pt.2)

Dear Subjects,

Tattoo's excrement escapades did not stop during our school days.......Following is another incident that happened quite recently actually......in fact this story is based just two years back.....

It was a gloomy afternoon. Tattoo was busy having a chicken rice lunch with an associate of ours, none other than ScaredShitless.....It was halfway during this when Tattoo began to feel those oh so usual rumblings deep in the pit of his stomach. Undaunted he proceeded to finish off his meal and then proceeded to have a smoke. Now most people know that smoking has a laxative like efect on bowel movement and sure enough the turtle's head reared its mug through the tip of his already tiring spinchter.

It was time to react and Tattoo did so to the best of his ability. The closest place he could think of was the Hyatt Saujana Hotel nearby and so he forces ScaredShitless to follow him on this excursion. Now ScaredShitless is one who possesses many cars but is more akin to hopping into another's car to go places. Probably has to do with the fact that he is a) scared of driving b)scared of using petrol c) scared of wear and tear on his cars.

After reaching the presaid destination, Tattoo realised that he had a very slight window period to find the toilet and he proceeded to look for one, all the while the evil turtle head waited in anticipation to burst forth into the new world. After wasting precious time in fruitless searching he finally found the toilet but alas it was to be too late. Upon entering the toilet area the whole lumpy gravy train burst forth in all its glory almost knocking the poor halfwit off his feet. By the time he entered the stall it was too late he realised to salvage what was once his underwear for now it was a tattered mess. The fine gravy had also worked its way through the very fibers off his bikini cut to produce a large angry stain on his bermudas.

The next half an hour was spent doing damage control. This meant yet again he had nought but a choice then to sneak out ever so often to the basin to wash his underwear and the seat of his pants. Everytime the poor sod heard a noise he had to run back into the stall and hide for fear of being caught by unsuspecting guests. Finally the deed was done. Both his pants and underwear had been washed but nevertheless they were soaking wet not to mention rank with the smell of decayed flesh mixed with a strong caramel aftershock. In a nutshell it was probably the worst stink one can ever think about.

At this point Tattoo walks out and realises ScaredShitless is still waiting for him in the car but by now they have been joined by S.Baba out on rounds with a new vicitm HornyStewardess. Now S.Baba and HornyStewardess have plans to go to a shop specialising in car bodykits and ScaredShitless is adamant on going too. Fuck knows why as he probably might be scared that if he bolted on a bodykit to his car the car may fall apart. Now Tattoo being the sly cunt that he is immediately concocts a story about how the floor in the bathroom was fucking wet and his pants happened to fall in it. Unfazed ScaredShitless still insists on going to the bodykit shop so they hop into Tattoo's car and proceed onwards following S.Baba's car. Now after two minutes being in the car the rank smell starts overpowering any other smell inside the cabin and the Ambi Pur bottle proceeds to commit suicide by performing hara kiri on itself. Undaunted ScaredShitless still insists on going to the shop although at one point Tattoo tries to turn off in the direction of his house only for ScaredShitless to force turn the steering in the opposite direction. Tattoo tells me at that time he actually contemplated murdering the fat bastard.

At the bodykit shop as they alight from the car Tattoo notices his car seat having a really visible wet stain on it.....visible to all except the turd ScaredShitless who was most probably too scared to look. Neways they then stand around chatting while S.Baba gets on with his crooked business dealings with the shop owner. At this time HornyStewardess starts fliting and clinging on to Tattoo and unlike most people who worry about getting some sort of fatal communicable disease this time it was Tattoo who was worried that the putrid stench would pervade her nostrils. But fate played a hand then as S.Baba miraculously had finished off his dealings and had decided that some food from the nearest McDonalds was in order.

On they drove again but this time as S.Baba turned into the Mcdonalds parking lot Tattoo with all the cunning possible from one so small as himself continued driving on......on towards his home....At this point ScaredShitless began wailing and crying imploring Tattoo to turn back and head towards the McD's. Undaunted by the constant drone in his ears caused by the Blubbering Fatso next to him, Tattoo drove on to his house where he finally managed to clean himself up and finally change out of those wet rank clothes.

As he got back into the car ScaredShitless was still wailing and crying. Again murderous thoughts went through his head seeing this big overgrown bufoon going on and on. It was at this time that another friend called and asked them to come over to his house and at long last ScaredShitless stopped the fucking blubbering.

It was at this time that Tattoo started talking about how the smell was mostly gone to which that moron ScaredShitless actually said yes and how he HAD BEEN SUFFERING IN THE CAR ???!!! Makes me wonder sometimes what lengths morons go to at times.....sheesh...

Anyways that night poor Tattoo spent his time cleaning up his seats using industrial paint stripper and solvents at the expense of his sleep as the smell had worked itself into the very fabric of his car seat due to the fact he had spent long amounts of time seated in them.....Poor poor cunt....

N.B : It should be noted that Tattoo is the fictional name of a real character who happens to be my best friend. He was given the name after we realised he looks exactly like the character played by Hervé Villechaize in the serial Fantasy Island. He is also of the same stature. Tattoo is now an unemployed bum who does odd jobs collecting dung from the farmyards supplying the farmers with manure for their transgenic crop. How ironic. The shitty bastard. On occasion when bi-planes fly by he has been known to run up and down the paddy fields shouting those immortal words "De Plane!" "De Plane!"

Jiwang dei...